Cheese with holes

Käse mit Löchern

Lisa sagt zu ihrem Bruder:
- Ich mag keinen Käse mit Löchern!
Darauf ihr Bruder:
- Dann iss den Käse und lass die Löcher liegen!

der Bruder / die Brüder - brother
der Käse / die Käse - cheese
das Loch / die Löcher - hole
liegen lassen - to leave

Lisa says to her brother:
- I don't like cheese with holes.
To which he replies:
- Then just eat the cheese and leave the holes.

Ps. Helping with translation in English by Komila Rakhimova

German numbers in words

On the russian version of FunnyGerman people asked very often how this or that german number will be written in words.

Actually I'm a programmer and I thought, that I could write a script converting numbers in words.

Then I thought, I could write a script for other languages too.

After the script was ready, I thought, I could create an android app.

Finally I thought, that maybe this little thing needs kind of name and its own page.

It's name is nmb3rs now and it lives on http://nmb3rs.com. It supports three languages now - English, German and Russian.

Save the link, share it with you friends.

I hope nmb3rs will help you :)

Ps.
It's not related anyhow with Numb3rs, I have never heard about this TV Serial before.

German's such a beautiful language

Deutsch ist so eine schöne Sprache

- Hey! I just met your patient, Mr. Mueller; we had such a nice chat.
- You speak German?
- Yeah! I can do a sweet little milkmaid: "Guten Morgen, möchten sie die Kühe melken?". I can do an evil old hausfrau: "ESS DEIN SCHNITZEL, SONST KRIEGST DU KEIN NACHTISCH!"
- German's such a beautiful language ... Anyhow, I think Mr. Mueller's so amazing. I mean, yesterday, I pretty much told him he was gonna die; and his brother turned to him and he said, "Es wird alles wieder gut." And Mr. Mueller just accepted it!
- Well, why wouldn't he? "Es wird alles wieder gut" means "You're going to be fine."
- Germans!

die Kuh / die Kühe - cow
melken / molk / gemolken - to milk
kriegen / kriegte / gekriegt - to get
der Nachtisch - dessert

New position

Neue Position

Herr Kramer zu seiner Frau:
- Wollen wir heute abend eine neue Position üben?
Darauf sagt sie:
- Okay, warum nicht? Du bügelst und ich sitze auf der Couch und trinke Bier.

üben - to practise
bügeln - to iron
die Couch - couch

Mr. Kramer says to his wife:
- Shall we try a different position tonight?
- Sure, why don't you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the couch and drink beer?

Jake's jokes from "Two and a half men"

Witze aus "Two and a half men"

Today's jokes spoken by german are from the american comedy "Two and a half men" :)

- Hey, Onkel Charlie, was ist grün, hat vier Beine und würde dich umbringen, wenn es von einem Baum auf dich runterfällt?
- Was?
- Ein Billardtisch ...

das Bein / die Beine - leg
umbringen / brachte um / umgebracht - to kill
der Baum / die Bäume - tree
runterfallen / fiel runter / runtergefallen - to fall down, to drop down

- Hey, Uncle Charlie, what's green, has 4 legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree and landed on you?
- What?
- A pool table... it's funny cause you wouldn't expect it to be in a tree.

* * *

- Zwei Muffins sitzen nebeneinander im Ofen und werden gebacken. Auf einmal sagt das eine: "Man, ist das heiß hier drin!". Sagt das andere "Heiliger Himmel, ein sprechendes Muffin!".

der Ofen / die Öfen - oven
backen / backte / gebacken - to bake
heiß - hot

- There's two muffins sitting side by side in a muffin tin in the oven. One muffin says to the other, "Boy, it's hot in here!", and the other one says, "Holy Crap! A talking muffin!".

* * *

- Hey, welches von unseren beliebtesten Haustieren kann nur auf einem Bein hoppeln? Ein halbes Hähnchen.

das Haustier / die Haustiere - pet
hoppeln / hoppelte / gehoppelt - to hop
das Hähnchen / die Hähnchen - chicken

Which of our favourite pets hops on one leg? Half a chicken!

Btw. in original version this joke sounds so:
Jake Harper:
- If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with only one leg work at?
- I-Hop.